this is to all people who have ever been scared or afraid. Trust me it seems horrible now but it can not stay forever. All problems come to an end.
I stand there and watch her walk down the aisle. She is wearing the most beautiful dress I have ever seen. I see the smile on her face. This is her big day. I wish that I could feel the happiness to but quite frankly the only way I would smile today is if a bomb hit this wedding. Cruel, yes but the truth hurts. All I can focus is on the man who is not my father standing there. Probably thinking that by this marriage I will some how feel close to him. But I will not. I refuse to. I can smile and be polite but I will never call him dad. No matter what. No I am not one of those kids who thinks that somehow their father will come back and we will be a family again because I do not stretch the truth. I can face reality. Like the day I found out the man who is not my father and who will never be my father (lets call him the man) along with my mother told me about their dirty little secret. How they were getting married. I had no idea until that day the man had said to me, “We have a surprise.” I never liked the man but surprise with my mother means something that has to do with me like the “surprise” she told me about when the man was coming over our house in 15 minutes. Of course I had no say just like I never do but when I first met the man he seemed okay. Though I soon found out his dirty little secret a secret that he even keeps from my mother. The man is an alcoholic. He thinks I don’t know. But I am not that blind unlike my mother who believes in love at first sight. Which would explain why they only dated 3 months before marriage. And now I am standing here as the priest says his words to bring these two people in holy matrimony. I think of when the man had his talk with me.
It was after school and I guess my mother told him to pick me up because she was too much of a coward to tell me about their secret until I got home. I remember the talk in the car.
“You know Hayley….” He began, “your mother and I love each other.”
“Uh huh.” Honestly I could care less.
“Well we have a surprise for you.” He said in a soft voice thinking I would not be able to hear him.
“What does you love have to do with surprising me?”
“Well…” he responded, “you will be surprised how much of a change our love can make.” Then he decided to just keep quiet. Which I guess was smart cause I can trick people into giving me the information I want. Then when we got home I saw my mom she was sitting on the couch and told me, “Hayley how about you sit down.”
“ Okay.” I responded. Then they just flat out said it well my mom did.
“Honey we are getting married.”
“Of course.” I thought to myself. Then I thought what I said outloud, “So when is the wedding?”
“It is in two weeks.” She responded. To be honest I thought it was in one week considering how my mother always told me things right when they are about to happen. So here I am watching my mom and this dirt bag whom I am supposed to call my dad. Making out as they are supposedly now married. Now most daughters would be happy that their mother is just married but it just truly disgusts me. So as everyone claps I stand there.
After the wedding my mother and the man (dirtbag) go on their honey moon and let me just say that to imagine that my mother is having s** with this dirtbag makes me sick I am forced to stay with my grandmother who barely evens knows where her own bathroom is. Which is good for me cause last time my mom went away I had to stay with my aunt Halbit which lives by talking! She talks to me as if I am answering one of those dating questionnaires. Geez all that woman did was talk! But my grandma is the total opposite she likes to keep to herself and only asks for the things she really needs. I sit in the small guest room and listen to Paramore when it rains and think of my horrible future. What will happen to me? What is my mom doing right now?
I starts to sing along.
“And when it rains. On this side of town it touches…everything. Just say it again and mean it. We don’t miss a thing you made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole) and convinced yourself that it’s not the reason you don’t see the sun anymore. And oh..oh..how could you do it? Oh I, I never saw it coming. Oh, Oh I need an ending. So why can’t you stay just long enough to explain?”
“Uggh…” I said to myself, “ I try to look at the good things about this I get to miss two weeks of school cause my grandmother lives at least 500 miles from school. I have the house basically to my self. I do not have to see the man.”
But apparently I can not find enough reasons to even be the slightest bit happy so I lie there listening to my paramore.
I wake up from a nap I do not even know I took to find my granmother looking at me saying, “Hayley are you okay I came in here to find you on the bed and I was calling you and you would not answer!”
“Grandma I was asleep.” I say calmly even though I am annoyed I figured that I caused her enough trouble by suposively pretending to be unconscious.
“Oh okay dear. But next time just let me know when you are going to go to sleep okay?”
“Sure Grandma.” Just to prove my whole bathroom point the woman is lost. I walk downstairs to get a snack. When the phone rings.
“Hello.” I say in the coldest tone. Even I was scared.
“Hey honey.” I hear my mother saying.
“Oh hi mom.” I say.
“Well I jus wanted to call to see if everyone is okay.”
“Well everything is super doper mom..” and before I begin to say anything else all I hear my mom say is, “Oh stop it curt.” Then I hear the man say, “Oh come on Mary lets start….” Then all I hear is the dial tone. Which to me is perfectly fine because I don’t want to even know what they were doing.
“Geez thanks for calling mom.” I think to myself sarcastically. Then grab an apple and start walking up stairs. When I get up there I realize that I have not unpacked so I unpack and then out of boredom just start to go to bed.